Fell, finally got back up...

So yes, its been a looooooooong while. Last year was a great year, weight wise. I got down to 213 at an approximate size of 16 (i had gotten back up to a size 24). But in the general life department, not good. Actually, it sucked. A mental breakdown later, I am doing TONS better. Ill blame that on post-partem. But this blog is not about my mental health (or lack-thereof), its about my weight battle, which has been on the back burner, yet, a constant bitter reminder.
I actually signed up for Weight Watchers, here, at my job, I went to the first meeting, and never returned. I know how WW works, the counting points is tedious and annoying, but shit, nothing else is working. I tried taking diet pills but the tremors in my hands were a bit of annoying when I had to write something or hand something to someone. It looked like i had Partkinsens! Add the feeling of having a heart attack, the sideeffects were not worth it to me. So, that leaves WW, to finally learn how to change my eating lifestyle and do it the healthy correct way. No, im not happy about it. but shit, i need to do something about it. This morning, i got the nerve to step on the scale again. before i stepped on, i mentally prepared for the worst. I said to myself "if it is over 246, i will kill myself and die" and the numbers slowly displayed.... 231. WOW! i was shocked! it wasnt as bad as i thought it was going to be! granted, i gained back 18 pounds, but its not 20+, like i originally thought! yeah me! I dont start WW till mondays first meeting, but im feeling so good about the weigh in today, i figured now is as good as time as ever to start trying to trim down the fatness. im drinking lots more water, and instead of engorging over breakfast, i just had a cornmeal. baby steps, little by little. I dont have a choice, I HAVE to do this. Its not a choice!