Hi My Name is Gia and I am Addicted to Food

I have come to the conclusion that I am totally addicted to food. I have a problem saying "no" to it. Yes, to most that this conclusion is obvious, but to me, it hit me like a train yesterday. I had made dinner, and the food was just horrid (although my husband was sweet enough to eat it). Although I would practically gag every time I put a forkful in my mouth, I could'nt stop eating it. Sad, is'nt it? Yes, I know, I know. I get so frusterated with myself that I get a great urge to sabatoge all my efforts and just eat a gallon of ice cream to punish myself for being fat. I have to constantly remind myself that food is just needed to live, not live to eat. I have to remind myself that I have made a commitment to eat healthier and stop gaining weight. I have to remind myself that if I don't stop gaining weight now, it will just bite me in the ass later. When will it stop??
I weighed myself this morning, and I am back up to 253.4. Perhaps that is water weight? I know I didnt drink my usual amount of water yesterday and possibly it was the extra calories that I kept shoving in my face of the disgusting food I cooked. Whatever it is, I believe that the scale will go back down. I have to believe in myself.

10 Down and Counting

I have this new addiction to weighing myself. I cant help myself. I will actually weigh myself several times a day and each time I do, I pray that its not too many pounds over what I weighed that morning. For example, if I weighed 255 in the morning, then I will pray that I don't weigh more than 257 in the evening. If I do, then that means I ate too much that day. Its psycho, I know. I cant help myself. Like I said, its an addiction. This weekend was pretty eventful. On Friday night, at last minute, I went to Big Fish (a local restaurant/bar) with my sister and two friends to celebrate a friend's birthday. Needless to say, I drank WAY more than I should have and got a bit tipsy (I think my Bronchitis meds counter-reacted to the cranberry and vodka) I'll include some pics below. I got very ill. Early Saturday morning we left on a one day cruise to the Bahamas with the family. I was VERY hung over from the night before so I had quite a few nauseous spells on the way there. Once in the Bahamas, my family and I had quite a great time! Its so nice to relax with the family. Sunday, I went to a bar-b-q with my best friend/sista-from-anotha-mutha Ivelka. Funny thing, a guy that is half my height and weight ended up hitting on me. It was very sweet, as he was very respectful and totally laid off the moment I told him I was married (obviously, he wasn't bothered by the fact that I was tugging two kids around). He is a Harley motorcycle guy and I told him that if I got on his bike, it would go flat. What I thought was funny is that when I mentioned this, he replied "you aren't fat, you are HEALTHY". Ummm, is he on drugs???? I'm not healthy! Far from it! I'm FAT! Nevertheless, thought it was funny. I was such a good girl in relation to food this entire weekend. On Friday, I only drank vodka and cranberry (vodka contains the a less amount of calories in comparison to other alcohol) and I ate like a normal person on the cruise (it sure helped that I was very nauseous). In the Bahamas, I ate a good portion of conch salad (it was delicious!!!! wish I could have some more!!) and ate fairly well at the bar-b-q. All in all, I have lost 10 pounds as I weighed in at 252.6 this morning. Remember: I had gone back up to 262 last weekend after all my uncontrollable bingeing.